Not like before

Simply tired. 

I have been sleeping late recently and could clearly hear voices tormenting my mind and heart at the same time. Voices arguing how to deal with my perfectly unhappy life. Seems like i own my journey; running around as if i don't work with anyone nor sit with anyone at all. I am continuously evolving myself into a circular motion wherein i have no destination, no end goal. Tired of running so i decided to walk. I am just remembering my footsteps and the places I've been to but not the journey at all. Time passes by so fast. I could hardly remember the people i have encountered and even the experiences felt during the walk. What happened to me? have i been sleeping long enough or short enough to feel this way? What have you done to me? have you been pulling the string attached to my back and move the way you want me to? Talking to myself every now and then has been my escape since i met this guy last year of summer.

Suddenly life seemed to be perfect in the eyes of many. People see posts of lovers who are truly  in love with each other. Pictures filled with smiles and kisses on ig, fb, messenger made people believe in a very perfect RELATIONSHIP GOAL for a year now. This is not the real picture imprinted here in my heart. We are not one of those couples who people assume as to be. We are far from that. The love is there. It's genuine. Something to be proud of, but the reciprocity of love probably is missing now. A year have just passed and what happened to us? Selfishness sets in and i could no longer hear the wedding bells ring. We no longer communicate than we did before and as you grow better the choice of being a Christian, I, your number 1 supporter is cheering at your back to let you enjoy the taste of life of  what a Christian believer is. This is happiness. for you and me...but you left me. I feel the emptiness of my cup and the heart deteriorate as time goes by. I am in the decomposing state honey. Help me! I hear i love yous everyday but feeling the other way around. Are you really for real? or you just need me at the present time. My heart breaks everyday. I continue to journey alone. empty-handed with broken promises and unrequited love. I am lost. moving with no destination in mind and hoping one day you'll pick me up and cut the string at my back. You will let me move forward while seeing you move way way far from me. One day we'll see...one day we'll know if we are heading on the same direction. Back to where we started. JUST US>