looking for my real happiness

Lunes, Oktubre 6, 2014


The message was too long to send. I tried rephrasing it and make it a little shorter, but the emotion i put into writing could not cover up the long a waited goodbye message I've been wanting to send you. Minutes gone to hours, hours gone to days, a shorter version of the message is still kept here unsent. I see your image on my LINE account with a happy photo on..imagining how happy you are while I struggle myself in ending this pathetic relationship I created with you. As i count the days and hours and moments, i got to realized what is holding me back in relaying a very simple message..it was the thought of finally losing you. Ending is really the hardest part of anything. It is like killing your favorite character in a movie..It's like finishing a dish you have been wanting  to eat in ages..It is like going home from a very fun-filled trip abroad. I am a coward and  I know I fear the reality of being alone. Though I've been so lonely for  a long time search of happy ending with you...and now without the word HAPPY,..I have to end this with a courage here in my heart.

At exactly 11 in the morning, I sent the message I never thought it would be read by you. I said that you won't hear from me anymore and this means GOODBYE. I waited for his reply, but after minutes of waiting, i deactivated my account. It was like hearing  a drumroll with the words sounding like; CONGRATULATIONS! from my ears, my heart stopped a beat and tears stayed in my duct glands. I didn't feel the need of crying, though my heart hurt. It'll take time to heal and let go of the memories we've had for 4 years. I felt happy and free with a sad heart. This is the end and I am so excited to start anew;)

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